As promised here follows part two, the conclusion of my little send-up of the brothers Grimm’s ‘The big bad wolf and the seven little goats’:
“The happy kid and the seven wolf cubs” (continued)
by Julian el Maestro Magnifico
An hour later our seven wolfcubs were still hiding and feeling seriously bummed. Kid had not gone home. She was sitting in the living room making herself comfortable on the sofa chatting on the computer while also using the phone having long conversations with her girlfriends. She even had left the TV on and the radio was playing in the background.
Suddenly there was a fumbling at the door. A little later it opened and who was it that entered? Mother Wolf, pedicure done and everything, sporting an angry expression on her snout. Quite understandably she thought: “What’s that racket they’re making! That’s not like my wolflings at all. They’ll all get what-for!” Though when she came into the living room, there was no one there! “Boys where are you?” she called. Thereupon the wolfcubs came one by one from their shelters. The first out of the closet, the second from the Cuckoo Clock, the third from the washing machine, the fourth from the dryer, the fifth from the microwave oven and the sixth from the furnace of the stove.
Mama was cross.
“What was that noise? And look at the mess you’ve made! Just look at that sofa cover! It’s simply not done! All seven of you will get a spanking!” “No Mama!” cried the wolf boys, “we didn’t do anything. It was Kid from next door. Honestly!” But the happy young goat had quickly gone back to her own house through the backdoor, when she heard the key enter the lock. So Mama did not believe her whelps and wanted to give the lot of them what-for, when she noticed that a cub was missing. “Where is number seven?” she asked. The others said they didn’t know so they all went looking for him. And soon they found our lost wolf. Almost frozen stiff in the refrigerator. “Whatever are you doing in here?” Mama Wolf asked him perplexed.
After being thawed out, teeth chattering, wolfcub number seven told Mother Wolf the whole story. “Kid had tricked us letting her inside, and she was so incredibly exuberant and exhausting we got tired of it. So we decided to hide ourselves ’cause we didn’t know how to cope with so much fuss.” “Well well” said Ma Wolf, “so Kid from next door has made this mess eh. Sorry, I blamed you boys. But we’ll give little miss noisemaker a taste of her own medicine.” “Delicious! That will teach her!” sniggered the Wolf family rubbing their paws at the prospect.
A little while later Mother Wolf rang at the Goat family’s door and our happy little Kid opened it, acting all innocent, like she hadn’t a care in the world. “We’re going to have pancakes, would you like some too?” the wolves’ mother asked. Well ofcourse she’d like some too, you would like some as well. And so Kid went along with her neighbour. “Alright guys, come and wash your paws” Mama Wolf called, and all eight children came into the kitchen.
Now our happy little goat had in all haste forgotten to clean her hooves. When it was Kid’s turn, Mother Wolf said “Kid, what dirty legs you have.” “Er yes, I was at home messing around with me mothers makeup” the young goat said, her legs all encrusted with the stuff. “So were you at home the whole day, Kid?” “Uhuh, I haven’t been out today. Perched out on the couch” she said, her big eyes radiating pure innocence. “Perched on the couch, yes” the Wolves’ mother said, “but I sincerily doubt you did so at home. Because look, it’s the same stuff as the stains on my sofa cover. You see? The same color as the nail polish, mascara and eyeliner on your legs. And what’s more, your hoof prints are all over it!”
Terribly ashamed, Kid had to confess that it was she that had made such a mess and such a ruckus. “Oh, never you mind. It’ll be alright” Mama Wolf said. “I’ll do anything i can to make up for it. Anything!” Kid cried, a little anxious. Because it is no fun to be a goat standing in the kitchen of a wolf that looks angry. “Anything?” Mother Wolf asked. “Yes, anything!” repeated our little goat, now not so happy anymore. “Well then start to prepare the flour and the milk and eggs for the pancakes.” “Okay Mrs Wolf. Will do!” Kid replied relieved, glad she was let off so easy.
“Oh, and” the Wolves’ mother then said casually, “when you’re done, might as well do the dishes and make sure to leave the kitchen spotless. Also do the refrigerator, defrost and clean it, scrub the gas stove, clean the microwave, vacuum the rooms, dust the cupboards, clean both the toilet and the shower, wash the windows, hang my wash to dry, and iron my clothes, scrub the hall and wash out my sofa cover. And you’ll do the cleaning the rest of the month too, otherwise i’m afraid i’m going to have some choice words with your parents. They would no doubt, find one or two things to do for you as well.” In horror Kid’s jaw dropped to the floor, her parents were even more strict than Mother Wolf! And i reckon one thing will be clear; since that day not much was heard from our ‘happy’ little Kid. But from a cranky, grumbling goat however, all the more.
And, as the story goes, they lived long and (except for Kid) happily ever after.
I hope you enjoyed my small attempt at a funny fairytale.
Thank you very much for reading.