And now for something completely different, a spoof of a well known fairytale.
“The happy kid and the seven wolf cubs”
by Julian el Maestro Magnifico
Once upon a time there was a wolf who had seven cubs and both she and her children were serious and quiet of character. One day Mother Wolf went to the pedicure to have some time to herself, raising seven young wolves requires a lot of a single parent. That’s why she called her offspring together, and said to them: “boys, listen, I’m going to the pedicure to have my nails done, and to unwind a bit. Keep the door locked and don’t let anyone in, because nowadays you can’t trust anybody anymore. And especially don’t let that goat from next door in to play. Last time she was here she made such a mess that I spent a week trying to clean up everything! That child is much too exuberant and busy. Wouldn’t surprise me at all if she has ADHD.” The wolfcubs young, but already serious of nature said: “Okay mama, we will be careful and we’ll let nobody in.” Mother Wolf left with peace of mind because she knew she could trust her litter.
It was only fifteen minutes later when the bell rang. Through the intercom, one wolfcub asked, “Who is there?” and the answer was: “It’s me Kid, your pal.” “Mama said that you could not come in to play today” the young wolf explained. “Well can’t you come out to play then,” the young goat answered cheekily. But no, the wolfcub said, they had to stay inside. “Ah bah!” Kid said “y’all are no fun. Can’t you just sneak out and then when your mother returns, quickly go back in?” “We won’t do that, because we are obedient whelps” was the reply. “That sucks!” sulked Kid, so she left.
Just moments later, the bell rang again. “Who is there?” asked another wolfcub. “It’s me boys, your mother.” But Mother Wolf’s children heard by the sound of her voice that it was Kid trying to be funny. “You are not our mother because she has a rough voice, but your voice is soft and bleating.” “Shoot!” Kid thought, and went home. While in her room she streamed the new CD of Spitney Brears and sang along loudly until her voice was completely hoarse. “Now those wolfboys will let me in” she thought. And there Kid went for the third time, back to her neighbours.
Ding-Dong the bell went and again another wolfcub asked, “Who is there?” With her hoarse raw voice Kid said: “It’s me, Mama. I’ve been to the mall and have brought comics for you.” But the young wolves, having grown suspicious by Kid’s previous attempt, replied, “If you’re mommy, let’s see your paw!” Kid put her hoof up in front the spy-hole, but was jeered straight away by the wolfpups. “Hahaha, you’re not Mama! Although your voice is rough, your hoof is white and has not been pedicured!” Grumbling Kid went home again. “So my hoof is white and not pedicured eh? Just you wait. I’ll trick those wolfboys yet.” Immediately Kid went to her parents bedroom and fiddled there in her mothers makeup chest. She smeared a whole stift of eyeliner on her legs to paint them black and used nail polish to dye her hooves red, just as if she had had a complete treatment at the pedicure. To be completely certain she also powdered her feet with mascara. Thus equipped she went to her neighbours for the fourth time.
And again the whole tale of ringing and asking who is there (by a fourth wolfcub). “Hai guys, I’m back again. I just went to the ice-cream parlor and bought some for you all.” The wolfcubs (well, you get the picture now). So Kid showed her hoof and there, through the spy-hole the young wolves saw a black paw, well pedicured and everything. “Hooray,” the wolfpups cheered “Mama is back with ice-cream! Quickly, open the door.” But who was it that entered?
Kid the happy young goat.
Completely bonkers because of her success with faking out the wolfcubs, she was even more exuberant, busier and giddier than usual. “Nya nya, tricked you all!” she shouted, “To be fooled by such a silly disguise, you have to be real dummies, how else could I have come inside so easily, just some eyeliner and mascara and nail polish on my hoof and you’re thinking ‘Mama is home’, Nitwits, I would’ve never fallen for that, I am much smarter than you guys, haha nya nya, got your noses…” And so Kid went on for a while.
The Wolfpups, who were young but also, as you no doubt remember, serious and calm of nature; had no defense to such a deluge of exuberation. Swiftly they went searching for a place to hide from the busy doings of the happy young goat. The first cub hid in the cupboard, the second in the Cuckoo Clock, the third in the washing machine, the fourth in the dryer, the fifth in the microwave oven, the sixth in the oven of the gas stove and the seventh in the refrigerator. There they stayed hoping that if they didn’t respond, Kid would get enough of it and go home. Kid, on the other hoof, didn’t care at all that the wolfcubs were playing hide and seek. She stretched out on the couch watching TV, dirtying the whole cover with her madeup-encrusted legs.
to be concluded
Well here you have it, part one.
I hope you like it, this tale was made up by my grandmother and me when i was young, to tell to my little sister before bedtime.
Part two will follow soon.